A new damning report from the Consumables department of the British Columbia Geological Survey (BCGS) reports that Kitimat’s Strawberry Meadows subdivision is, conservatively, 40 per cent less tasty and juicy than previous estimates.

Soil and water samples sent to laboratories for analysis determined the results, which has shocked the community.

A spokesperson for the BCGS said they are working to reconfirm the results.

“Obviously a bombshell report like this must be analyzed for a second opinion,” said Tom Sweet. “However we are very confident further review will confirm what our initial report suggests.”

Defending the local subdivision, the District of Kitimat fired back, saying they won’t stand by this Strawberry Meadows reduction, and are unhappy with how the BCGS have put them in this jam.