Drivers must possess stunt licence when in Save-On-Foods parking lot between 4 pm and 7 pm weeknights

Citing a community safety concern, the town has implemented a new driving rule that anyone in the parking lot for Save-On-Foods and Mr. Mikes must possesses a stunt driving licence between 4 and 7 pm weeknights.

This light post is just the worst.

This is due to the numerous hazards present in the parking lot during those hours, including pedestrians coming to and from the store to their vehicles, narrow lanes, oddly placed light fixtures, occasional vehicles driving the wrong way, low lighting as sun sets, low visibility at corners, tight turns, distracted drivers busy seeing if any lights on the grocery store name are burned out, distracted drivers trying to eye Mr. Mikes promos on  their window posters, and distracted drivers thinking if they need to buy any more office paper at Pyramid Printers, among other issues.

The requirement for a stunt driver’s licence will hopefully mean only people with insanely strong reaction times will use the parking area for the time being, but the town is looking at more drastic measures, including implementing a valet parking service for drivers, and disallowing small cars so as not to instil false hope that there’s an empty parking space on the other side of that pick-up truck.

“I personally agree with these changes,” said Mark Gaudet, who had just backed his car into a light post in the parking lot. “It will hopefully make this whole area safer.