Noses, fingers, toes: Lost and Found at Polar Bear Swim absolutely disgusting

Organizers of yesterday’s Polar Bear Swim, held in Kitamaat Village, are hoping to reunite owners of numerous appendages which have been turned in to their Lost and Found.

Items in the disgusting collection include fingers, toes, and noses, which presumably fell off as people dove recklessly into frigid salt water.

“This is a great way to refresh yourself for the start of the year,” said Philip Anderson. “Also if anyone knows where the lower half of my earlobe is, I’d appreciate a heads up.”

Mental health professionals stood by during the event in case anyone needed guidance and support that near-frozen water couldn’t provide.