Area residents suspicious of arrival of new ‘Schmenbridge’ company

A new company, which says it’s totally not Enbridge, is in town seeking to build a project.

“Enbridge? Never heard of them. By the way, can we interest you in a totally awesome pipeline?” said Schmenbridge company spokesperson Terry Thomas, sporting a vibrant ‘Social Licence thumbs up’ pin on his jacket.

Questions about what would be transported in the pipeline kept getting diverted.

“Look, there’s so much time to talk about all those details,” said Thomas. “Lets just worry about today, and we’ll figure out the future when we get there.”

When asked if it would be oil, Thomas simply laughed nervously and then made reference to how cold it’s been.

“Look, there’s so much possibility,” he said when pressed. “Whether we’re transporting fresh, natural water, delicious iced tea, or, and this is just thinking out of left-field here, diluted bitumen, we plan to do so very safely and effectively.”

He adds, “We’re here for the community, we want to be an active member as we develop whatever it is we’re trying to develop. By the way, can you direct me to the town’s social licencing department?”